I have always danced through life, as I like to call it. Life is for enjoying, spending time with loved ones and good friends, having a laugh, working hard… bad things don’t happen to you. You only hear of other people’s bad luck, having been touched with the Big C wand… Don’t you? That’s what I believed until it touched me.
07/12/10… I will never forget the day I found Mr Lump. The doubts started in my mind: could it be BC? No, of course not, it’ll just be a cyst, nothing to worry about. As always, positive thinking. I have always been a strong, happy character. This time, however, I was wrong and I was faced with a huge mountain to climb… and am still climbing.
30/12/10… The day I was diagnosed. I will never forget the emotions that I and my family went through from the day I was told I had breast cancer and during the next week. The bottom literally falls out of your world. It is a fear of the unknown. The Big C has hit me. The sheer fear that I would not see my little boy grow up. The heartbreak at seeing my mum and dad, sister, other family members and close friends so upset, unable to help me yet all by my side like rocks. My rocks that have been with me throughout the past nine months and I know who will always be there for me.
I hit rock bottom that first week and allowed myself to cry lots and lots, shout and scream into the open air, lie in my bed and cover myself with the duvet and wallow in my dark and dreary thoughts. Questions… so many questions and no answers to pacify my mind. Why me? Will I live? Will I die? Is it just in my breast? Has it travelled to other parts of my body? Non-stop worry, fear, a feeling of being totally out of control. This was without doubt the worst week of my life.
But from somewhere deep within I found a strength that I never knew I had and from then on I have grabbed hold of the reins and ridden my way up and around my mountain, head down, fighting all the way. It’s a roller-coaster, you can’t get off… so many twists and turns around the mountainside, dizzy, sick, tired, but you carry on and you just do it Why? Because it is the hardest job you will ever be given in this lifetime, but it is do-able.